a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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