sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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