anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
