So drunk its hurt
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
