good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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