the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
