her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
