I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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