I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
