so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
