oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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