I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
