How's work?
Spinning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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