Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
