textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
