in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
