mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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