you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
