I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
