It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
