i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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