so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
