I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
