he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
