If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
