I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
