i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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