I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
honey bunches of taint.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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