I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Are we in a gay sports bar?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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