the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
