You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
