3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
