Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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