420 ftw
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
