Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
