what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
