Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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