you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
