i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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