The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
