My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
