What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
