A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
