What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
