eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
