dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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