Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
