if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Actions speak louder than pants.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
