just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is wine microwaveable?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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