So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
