I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is Oprah even human
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
