this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
