I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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