I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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