She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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