Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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