Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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