yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
