about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
