Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
