what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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