I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
