my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So much rum. So many feels.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
