Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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