Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
PANTIES FOUND
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
