PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
