And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
